i used to write and only share with someone on december. nothing purposeful except the things i once wrote before. past me was thinking if i have to stop because it is not relevant again. i wonder if it is true or not and it gave me a headache for everything that i have been doing that i dont know if it still has relevance or not.

this year has gives me big impact on my life. sadly, i cannot organize. the only thing i can do is writing on here. perhaps, i might tidy up some words, i wish.

//

i became materialistic, but i wonder if it is the right word to describe myself. what i mean is i wanted to make more money. it’s not my deepest heart for being the reason, but how the world works where only the rich have a bigger chance to survive.

i try to not mix something with money because i believe it will be terrible.

//

i should stop to put my standard to new people that i meet. although we should have similar things. but i always ended up on disappointed. indeed, it was work on the past, but not guarantee for the next times.

//

slowly, i done for some habit that i have been doing since i was a teenager.
it was a sweet experience that i always wanted to do more and more.
i have been searching for someone who can do the similar. but the more
i try, the more i realize that those (who did great things to me)
are rare.

//

i guess the next year is the perfect time to become freshman.
i will do what people do. life might be easier and fun, even though
pride is the price.

sometimes im tired and tortured for myself. i wish i did not read a sentence
that changed my mind. but, without it, i might still become kid.
but those things that i did and shared and told are became
my trademark.

some people said if i always brings out of the box thing; whether
the ideas, joke, and the others.